Dating Advice

Yes Is Sexy
with Daniel Packard, Dating Expert & Coach


Dear Daniel,

I’m 26. Cute enough, but haven’t kissed a boy in two years. And a date? Well you get the picture. I have a friend who isn’t any more attractive than I am, but she is always doing things with boys. I see that she puts herself out there more and I wish I could do that more, but I don’t. What’s the secret? What does she have that I don’t and how do I get it? Is there a pill I can take?

Sincerely,

Please Illuminate Love Life.

Well PILL, “Is there a pill?” Almost. I’ll give you a clue. It’s harder to carry in your purse, but still swallowable. Second clue. What does your friend have that you don’t? She is less afraid than you are. And what helps with fear? Booze. That’s right, the magical pill is booze. Good cuz you now just need to take the magical pill. Bad news is, there is no such thing as magic. Damn... so close right?

And even though booze exists (I tasted it once at my Bar Mitzvah) I want a world though where women are fearless, without booze. That way you go after what you want, but still have the decision-making skills and awareness to go after the right thing. All the fun of drinking without the hollow pit in your stomach. I know, revolutionary.

So now that you realize there is no magic, you are going to realize that much of what we want in life we have to work for. We often look at people and think “Oh they are this way, and I am that way, and they were born with it, and I was born without it.” But the fact is that your friend is afraid too, but she has worked to lessen it. And the fear that is left, doesn’t rule her.

Most people are afraid of all sorts of things in dating. It's unpredictable and shows us things we don’t want to see. But the people that have fun and live and learn and find connections faster are those that decide that the things they are afraid of are just temporary discomforts. And that the temporary discomfort is well worth the long term potential.

“Daniel do you have an example of this you ask?” Why yes I do. The Katy Perry song “I Kissed A Girl.”

It’s this fun, drippy Pop hit about..well you guessed it... a girl kissing a girl.

SIDE NOTE: Katy Perry is on my celebrity “To Do” list. Look her up. She is tasty, cute and sassy and dresses in that sexy, vintage 40’s pin-up style. Red lips, polka dots. Daniel Packard Crack I tell ya’. If you ever want to know how to dress flirty, just throw on Polka dots and half the work is done. At least with me anyways.

Okay back to girl on girl action. Here is the song.

SECOND VERSE
No, I don't even know your name
It doesn't matter
You're my experimental game
Just human nature
It's not what, good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

CHORUS
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it


So this is a women who is afraid to kiss another girl. She says "I don’t even know your name" "It’s not what good girls do." "Not how they should behave" "My head gets so confused." All of that is just good old fashioned fear. Which would normally keep somebody from doing something.

But she puts the fear aside and what is the result? “I kissed a girl and I liked it. The taste of her cherry chapstick” Of course she liked it. What lives on the other side of fear is almost always fun and at the very least you learn something.

So why does she defy the fear this time? Something else makes the discomfort worth it. In this case she tells you “You’re my experimental game.”

She gets curious. Curiosity doesn’t kill the cat. It gets the cat kissed. And yes there is an innuendo there. And yes she liked getting her kitty licked.

PILL, if you saw Katy Perry kissing a girl, you’d think “What does she have that I don’t?” And in that moment, you’d both be afraid. But she’d decided to go for it.

If it was your song it’d be called “I wanted to kiss a boy, but instead I went home and watched Oprah.”

I’m not judging, it’s just not catchy.

Speaking of, what does rhyme with Oprah? Opera? Okra? Damn she is smart. By making her name unrhymable, no rappers can trash talk her. Genius.

The point is, PILL, when you see your friend putting herself out there she is just doing the Katy Perry song, but with boys. For Katy it was curiosity (and a hit single) and for your friend it’s fun, attention, adventure, realizing you have to kiss a lot of frogs... whatever it is, your friend is choosing to not let her fears rule her. And of course the bonus is, the more you blast, the easier it gets. Fear goes away very fast when you’re doing things. It lasts forever if you sit still.

So PILL, here is your new mantra: just change the song's lyrics from “girl” to “boy” and “cherry” to “hairy.”

Everybody reading this.. try it.

“I kissed a boy and I think I liked it.”
“The taste of his hairy chapstick”

That’s right... sing it from the rooftops.

“I kissed a boy and I think I liked it.”
“The taste of his hairy chapstick”

Yes that’s a little vulgar. But come on, that's just too good to pass up. Cherry Chapstick to Hairy Chapstick... oh my gawd that’s good.

Now sometimes, as I’m sure you know, you will blast through your fears for an instantaneous benefit. Attention, a thrill, he was super-cute, it was Vegas. But most people don’t think to overcome their fear for a future benefit. Like say - ummmm - finding love. To find love takes a lot of openness and chances and choosing. Yes, even when it’s scary.

So you can take the magical pill, but I think we all learned from Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, that doesn’t end well.

The answer is to not let the fear rule you... To choose connection over protection. To stay present, relax, and go with the flow... So I guess there is something you can take... a chill pill. Baaaaahaha I kill me.

Oh and hairy chapstick... sorry... couldn’t help myself.

A chill pill and hairy chapstick... sounds like a gay man on ecstasy... but you get the point.

Good luck and don’t forget to smile.

Good Luck Dating Better!

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